“Hey! We’re pregnant with twins!” my husband exclaimed at the twin parents seated a few tables away, as we walked to our seats at the restaurant. The woman flipped her hair back and said with such confidence, “Prepare for celebrity status. Everyone knows a twin, is a twin, has a twin, or wants to know your story.”
She could not have been more correct. 4 and a half years in and we have had thousands of conversations, dealing with our fair share of both the kind remarks and the snarky ones, and in every encounter, I hear that woman’s voice in the back of my head, “Prepare for celebrity status.”
What was she even talking about!? In the beginning, it felt like a curse…
When we found out we were having twins, we were ecstatic! I know that isn’t the case for everyone at first, but my husband and I had struggled through infertility for 4 and a half years so the news of two was such a blessing to our broken hearts. As we called family and friends, an opinionated acquaintance decided that then would be a good time to laugh and jokingly say, “Good luck with that…Better you than me!”
I was furious. Good luck? Now? How rude of someone to tell me “Good luck with that” after delivering the best news of my entire life, after living a 4.5 year nightmare!
Disclaimer though… I was newly pregnant with twins. My hormones made me into a very impatient and angry woman in the first trimester, and nothing anyone said, regardless of how they said it- came out right to me.
My poor husband.
Fast forward to the second encounter. My husband and I wheeled the twins out of our hospital room in their bassinets and a new, tired dad walked out of his room and said, “twins?” My husband and I looked at each other like, ‘Did he really just ask that?’ I kept my eyes focused on my husband while he responded with a chuckle, “They sure are!”
This time I studied the question, paired with the voice in the back of my head.
I was warned y’all. Almost 9 months before encounter number 2, God had placed a fellow twin mom in my path to warn me that I would soon be having conversations with random strangers for the next 18 years, minimum, and that I needed to get my mind right for what was to come. I had a choice to make that day in the hospital. I could either be irritated every time someone opened their mouth and inserted their foot, or I could learn to bring joy to every encounter.
I chose the latter.
Now I’m not perfect, but this is now one area in which I have tried to remain intentional with the way I respond, and thought that this would be a good space to share this idea with people who get it! You’re probably better at this than I am, but in the event you’re struggling, I hope this helps!!!
When I am stopped and someone tells me that they too have twins, I smile and ask their ages and if they’re older than mine, I almost always respond with a laugh and, “Oh, so you survived this stage! There’s hope!!”
When I am stopped by a twin, or a set of twins, I almost always ask for a tip!! For instance, “Do you recommend I split the twins up in school? Why or why not?” This allows someone who has experienced it firsthand to give input that could potentially change the future for my kids! (Also, the majority have so far said that they were grateful to be split up in school because it was the only time they had away from their twin, which blew my mind.)
And of course, let’s not skip over the remarks of those who feel the need to say things like, “Better you than me!” and “You sure have your hands full!” Even when people say that with a rude tone, I still try and have patience with them. Some have said it to be funny, but there have also been a few rude encounters. I simply reply with a chuckle and say, “God sure knew what He was doing when He gave them to ME then, huh!”
The key thing here is I always try to leave the conversation and the people we’ve encountered better off than we found them. We try leaving them with a smile, or a new perspective. We try to leave them laughing, and we try to shine God’s light on a very dark world.
Being a parent of multiples is a very rare and very special experience. Almost daily, we will experience people and conversations the rest of the world is completely oblivious to. We are let in on family secrets, struggles, hopes, and dreams, all because of the title we carry as Mom of Multiples. It is not a gift to take lightly or take for granted, either. We were hand selected and given an incredible opportunity to share Love.
Have the conversations. Involve the kids in it. Enjoy it!
I try to teach my boys that God gave them a twin so that they would have more opportunities to share Jesus with the world.
So if you see a new twin mom, warn her. Tell her that this is the time to decide if they're going to use her new gift of celebrity status as a burden or a blessing.
Sara is a mom to four year old twins, a two year old, and a bonus mom to a twelve and thirteen year old. She is a Christian social media influencer, and serves on the praise and worship team at Birdville Baptist Church.