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When you're doing the best you can...

Wed, October 02, 2019 7:15 PM | Anonymous member

As moms of multiples, we need to cut ourselves some slack. And this isn't even as much about making time for self-care as it is just being nice to ourselves in our thoughts, actions, and words. 

My twins are 16 months old, and I am currently 16 weeks pregnant with another set of twins (feeling ALL the feels!). It only recently dawned on me that most days I wake up with negative self talk in my head, running through all the things I didn't finish yesterday, and the impossible list of things that need to get done today. Not the best start to a day -- feeling defeated and overwhelmed before I've even begun. 

So I've started trying to run through some positive affirmations about myself at the start of each day. Coupled with prayer and reading the Bible, this helps to set some semblance of calm before the busyness of the day commences when the twinadoes awake. 

But why do us MoMs have such a hard time giving ourselves grace? I imagine this applies to all moms, but when you have multiples, it feels like the situations are amplified. I find that I so often compare myself to singleton moms (which I know I shouldn't but still do anyway...) and the waves of self-judgement start rolling in. "She's lost all her baby weight so quickly, and I still haven't after all this time."She took her baby out to such fun places, and we were just staying at home trying to survive." "How can that mom look so put together, and I can't even remember if I put on deodorant today?"

That's why I am so incredibly grateful for FWMoM! Even then, we shouldn't compare ourselves to others, but it certainly helps to see that our definition of "normal" is different from moms who have never experienced the joys of multiples... and to know and learn from MoMs with older multiples who have already walked the road we're walking, and have lived to tell the tale!

I always used to tell expecting MoMs that the best advice I had for them was to lower your standards or expectations -- whether it's expectations of what you're capable of, standards of tidiness around the house, you name it. Just making it through the day, whether you work or stay at home, and you have managed to keep multiple little ones alive and healthy (with or without help) is a win!

But now I would add, "Be kind to yourself." Life can be hard... Caring for multiples IS hard. But you are divinely equipped for this. God has seen that in you. You just need to see it in yourself. And celebrate all that you were created to be. 

Author: Koula Budler has 16 month old twins, William and Emma. She works part time from home, creating content for an ad agency, and freelances as a writer and social media content developer for several clients. She is also the publicist for Fort Worth Mothers of Multiples.


  • Wed, October 02, 2019 8:25 PM | Anonymous member
    Very well said! You are the perfect momma to Emma and William. Baby A and B are meant for you too. Hopefully my head will get above water soon and I’ll be more helpful to you as your pregnancy progresses.
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  • Wed, October 02, 2019 8:40 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)
    I just want to say, "Amen, sister!!" Love, love, LOVE your encouraging words and much-needed reminder. Negative self-talk is such a real struggle for so many women and moms. My hope is for FWMoM to be a group of women who celebrate what makes each of us unique and different.
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  • Fri, October 04, 2019 8:46 AM | Anonymous member
    Koula, thank you for the reminder to be kind to ourselves in our thoughts, actions, and words. I love that starting the day praying, studying the scripture, and positive self talk can help us reach this goal. You have a great point, we were called to be mothers even on the hard days. A positive outlook on myself and the twins will sure make the day, week, month more enjoyable!! Love this post and you sweet Momma!
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  • Sat, October 05, 2019 3:41 PM | Anonymous member (Administrator)
    Such a good reminder for us all. Comparisons are so unfair; we all have different struggles and strengths but tend to zone in on only the areas others are strong where we are having a harder time. It’s *all* hard but reframing your mind to remind yourself of the blessings you’ve been granted is a great way to start putting a positive spin on your day.
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Fort Worth Mothers of Multiples

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Fort Worth, Texas 76121

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